what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
