Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
