Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
