The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
