come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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