They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
