You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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