I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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