i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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