How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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