Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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