You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
