There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
