ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
