If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
