The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
