he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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