Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
