why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize