well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
