How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
