I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
