I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize