if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
