Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
