my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
