In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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