I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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