i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
high people should be assigned attendants
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
