Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Hippo gnu deer
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
