No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
