tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
