I am in a vortex of obligation.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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