Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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