Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
