Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize