Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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