Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
