Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize