It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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