if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
