ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
A+ Viking dick
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
