oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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