I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
