??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
