Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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