Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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