My hand turned me down
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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