you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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