OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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