they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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