remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
