sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
