I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
