Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
