So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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