If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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