Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize