i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
zippers are such a cool invention
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
