Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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