Just mADE A PArabola og urine
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
