Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
two words...techno handjob
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
