Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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