i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
