Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
