your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My ass is underappreciated
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
