What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
