I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
