So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
