is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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