is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I did not marry a roomba.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
