I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
