She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
