My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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