Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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