Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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