I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
