i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
