I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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