You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
