And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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