the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
