what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
