Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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