Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The power of my boobs compel you
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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