Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
