Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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