Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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