I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
