Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
