No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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