I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
