i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
