you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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