Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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