He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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