I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
