Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
