A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just saw a hot homeless man
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I got inside last night via doggy door
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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