I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
